31 to 39 years of age

So, it is so easy to get wrapped up in emotions of the past and flinch on the scares they have left though no one can see them. I sit here in turmoil, fighting my demons and trying to not destroy all I have come to. So, by the age of 31 I had my son Jeramia and I was doing the best I could. I was finally starting to get back out there being social with people and opening the doors to friends. But my life was for my son he was my priority. We did so much together, The Zoo, parks, play dates, and spent time with my dad a lot. But the moment I let a man in I remembered why I was like I was. He treated me like crap and showed it and told it to me daily no matter who was watching, but this time I knew what to do and I did it. I packed me and my son up and moved back out to the country by my dad to be close to him so he could have a relationship with his grandson. At 34 I got the first job I actually stayed at longer than a week. Things were great I was able to support my family of 2. I think my son has had a good life. We have never had to want for anything. I was able to give him everything he needed and some that he wanted. He’s growing up a single child and me working night shift he lost a lot of his childhood, I think. But it has taught him responsibility. Working all night coming home to him already ready for school and when it was weekends, he helped around the house. By the age of 5, he was already doing laundry and picking up his room and helping with the dishes considering he couldn’t reach so I washed and he dried. We lived in this run-down farmhouse and were looking to find a new place till we just moved back home with my dad so I could save and find something good for us. A year later we did, we are not living in a 2-bedroom apartment and love the time we have together. I no longer work for the place I was because 4 years of night shift I lost so much of his life I left there and got a better job. But times happen and I had got laid off. I looked for a job day after day month after month. To come to the point where we are now in life, I still haven’t found a job and my brother has moved in with us to help pay the rent. So, I keep looking not giving up. The days run together and the nights to be so very short. My son is doing great in school and loves having his uncle here to goof off with. I don’t do much because the money I do get the need to be for whatever my son needs and gas to get him to and from school. Going nuts I had found this website one late night and found myself designing a webpage for the first time ever. It was not so easy at first but I got a hang of it. And so, I sit here at this moment writing to all about my life on my second website of mine. You have spent the time reading about my life and it not being a very pretty one but today it is a beautiful life. In stories to come, I will write about bits of my life I did not mention in this story in more of a detailed way. So, bit by bit you will get to understand me and see the journey I took with all the obstacles to overcome and how I did it. To give others out there the acceptance of not being perfect is ok. To say you’re not alone in the fight. I’m here to share so that if by chance It may help you in any way it may. Till the next chapter, this is me as always. I’m destined to be the only woman I’m meant to be. BeachBum SoulSurfer

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