I Never Knew

My eyes are open…

I never knew how stressed I was till I get to talk to Blessed in the evening when he can call me. He starts to ask about my day and all that’s going on with me and I just mentally throw up all over him. I tend to take more than I can chew but it seems to motivate me further than I I expect it to. I have become my son’s learning coach for his schooling this next year as well as going back to school myself, while juggling the whole pandemic and losing my job, my house as well as my car, not being able to get a job due to my background I took on a challenge of  building my website and new business that I am launching here pretty soon. I have so much coming at me I take the role of advisor/mother to my friend that is going through stress in her  life at the moment. So I just sit back at night and cry. I don’t get to tell her hey when’s it my turn to break down ands need help. I don’t get that chance, I have to be the strong one for my son and our family. So I put my smile on and play and joke around so no one sees the pain in my eyes and the hurt in my heart. I get everyone has things going on in life, and I have become a very dependable friend but I’m scared I ‘m not so dependable anymore because I am shattered inside and its starting to show. In the end i know I will pick myself up and dust this feeling off. I am a survivor and I will always be a survivor.

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