Lost and Alone

As I sit here in my living room, no lights on and pure silence I am at peace. There was a huge weight taken from my shoulders today. To give a bit of a back story. I had started this site and my other site because I saw how I could make money with a website and so I started. It wasn’t going so good I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do or how to do it. I worked on them day and night, and was getting no where with it. So I did the only thing I knew to do give up throw it away. But this time I quit but I started a new idea and the moment I began it was coming into place with ease. I was learning so much and as it still was very difficult to do and understand I kept going. Finally I lost all thought to try and make money and just write. In doing so I ended up gaining this one beautiful soul that has given me the inspiration and the motivation to keep on with it all. I have talked about him in my past writing and I have found that my walls around me have fallen. I have felt more emotions with him that I have with any other man I have ever been with. We are only human and have done thing to hurt one another but not intentionally. I thought I had lost him for things I had no Idea of but he reassured me I hadn’t it was us running from our feelings not wanting to get hurt and in doing so hurting one another. This past 2 weeks I have felt lost and alone not knowing what went on or if he was even ok. I couldn’t find him anywhere. But I wasn’t going to give up on us. I looked in the jails and hospitals. He was just gone. Its was going on 2 weeks and both my sites have been pulled apart and taken off social media and the T-Shirt Shop isn’t getting the advertising I was hoping for. Every day I look at my phone wanting to call him or text him. and I did for the first part and every now and then. I wasn’t going to give up. Today I got what I have been asking for, He text me asking to call. I knew inside my heart he didn’t walk away from me. I will not say what went on that is between us but he is fine and back home now. We talked and he is going to help me get my sites back up and advertised like they should be. Its like there was a peace of me missing and the moment I heard his voice it wasn’t missing anymore. All of it was fitting back into place. So as you can tell I am writing again and it is coming to me just like before. He is and always will be part of my story and my life. I am a very lucky woman to have such a great friend and love I have with him. I can say that I know how it feels when you are alone in the world and you think its all crumbling down . Its not God will never give you more than you can handle and yes at that moment it seems to be too much but it really isn’t. He is getting you ready for your journey. And in my journey he has put a beautiful soul in it to walk with me. So to actually say I don’t know what this was about at the beginning and I don’t think it matters right now. I wish you all good night an till tomorrow. I am destined to be the only woman I am meant to be, BeachBum SoulSurfer

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