Why Are You Single ?

I have a question for everyone out there, but more geared towards the men. When you ask a woman if she is single and she answers back Yes, why do you ask right after that “Why are you single.”  Do you really think we know why, or that we are going to one day say “because we are crazy!” It is asked to me daily and I always just want to “say because I’m crazy” and want to see what they say.  Truth is at least I Know why I am. Not all women are alike and I just want to make sure you know this is the reason I am and no one else. I have been mentally and physically abused by every man that I have had a relationship in. I have no problem telling the world now. 1. I have woke up in my own bathroom from being choked to death by my first, he thought I was dead and I woke to him and another woman in my bed. Could I have walked away and not egged him on yeah maybe. But I wasn’t the one cheating. 2. My second used to tell me I wasn’t worth shit, that if I wasn’t with him I could never find a better man than him and would beat me daily. His parents got us both addicted to Heroin Which we both didnt do until they came to live with me. Can I blame them for my addiction no I dont blame anyone buy myself for that. 3. My third we both we alcoholics and he had no trust and we would fight bad till the day he put my head through the window at the house. Drug me around like i was a ragdoll.  4. My forth was the man of my dreams. He was my best friend through all of it. I one that would take me to the hospital, the one begging to leave them that i deserved better but I never believed him. I was the one that showed me everything would be ok. Till the day God had bigger plans for him and took him from me. He took my protector. That week that he got In a motorcycle accident and passed on the way to the hospital I had just found out I was pregnant and he didnt even get to know. It took me a very long time to step out and open up again and when I did it started over. 5. My fifth was the same of my past. beat and yelled at and got out of that one faster than I ever did in the past. I had a son to take care of. It wasn’t about me anymore. 6. My last and final one years ago. I should have seen it from the begining, he never once shared a bed with me. Told me all the things I needed to hear. He said it was due to PTSD and that he loved me but he was less of a man due to it and coldnt sleep. Lies all lies. He used me for what he needed. He went back to work out of state and turned all social media off from me turned his phone off and told our mutual friend he was never with me and the only reason he lived with me for a year was to get what he wanted and to get out of town. Whipped my bank account clean and took all my credit cards when I was asleep before he lift that day.  So with all that do I even consider it a relationship. I did he didn’t. Now comes back to the question no I am not crazy but sometimes I think that I am crazy because of all of it. I’m scared I’m stuck in this deadly cycle and have no way out. I am single today because i have to learn to be happy with myself before I can love and be happy with someone else. I dont see it fair to either one of use to get into a relationship that I know would not work. But do I yearn for the affection, the touch, the feeling of being wanted and loved by a man, YES every day. I want something with a man that has substance, meaning, something we both want and can grow together. Build a relationship as one.  I want to have a relationship that is for the future not just right now, and I know no one knows what the future will hold and we cant tell what it has instore of us but I am tired and done with all the pain. So please before you ask a woman why are you single stop and think if you are ready to hear their story. Some might just say they are crazy and some my have a story like mine. I am not ashamed of my past with these relationships because it has made me grow into the strong  woman I am today. Am I disappointed in myself for knowing I should have left them sooner and I never did.  I am a very independent Strong individual that now is starting to love herself like I should have many yeas ago.   Till next rant  signing out, BeachBum SoulSurfer.

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